Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Marriage = Love

After my divorce I never wanted to marry again- marry...I never wanted to think about a relationship!
That meant heart ache and pain. And I felt we "love" on all levels Why should I love someone again- more than I was given the love I felt I deserved back? follow that?

Dating+Relationships+Love = Doomed

One would never guess that I would have any of these feelings tagged on Love.
My family members were givers and receiver to love. The culture I grew up in, men hugged and kissed each other while greeting. Expression of love was never foreign.
What took me on the road to doom was the lack of trust, loyalty, honesty, respect and compassion in my past relationship. I'm not innocent of anything- my lack of this and that and the other added a very sour ingredient to the marriage. My thirst for wanting the perfect marriage- which included love, intimacy, laughter, trust, then children never happened.
Selfishness drove me to "forcing" the perfect marriage- my lack of knowledge of what is the "perfect marriage" drove me to sadness, emptiness and hatred.

Moving ahead - after meeting and becoming friends with Football Superstar allowing him into our lives for one I began to see that I am capable of trusting the opposite sex again.
Not just my father or brother!
I am able to open up- be myself and show the emotion that tends to leap out of my heart- LOVE. without barriers?
The protective wall and it's barbed wire were still in place- however, Football Superstar bravely began to clip the wire and knock down the wall. did I mention my wall was constructed of thick concrete

He got pricked by the wire and had a few bruises from the concrete- he isn't as fit as he had been while playing ball! wink
But he managed to get rid of the barrier between us. TRUST.
During our engagement and marriage we had a good "team" home life going.
There were tropical storms brewing but we managed to escape without getting too banged up or worse- drifted out to sea.
We were determined not to allow anyone or thing Tropical Storm(s) to damage us- what we had- our family- our kids.

And now- we become involved with LW's marriage ministry. Married Life Live is a fun and entertaining night for married couples. It's date night. It's a spin off of Saturday Night Live. There is fellowship and yummy desserts. The night is set up "club style" and the musical entertainment is awesome. very talented musicians/singers one of them being China Dolls guitar instructor
Football Superstar and I found our eyebrows raise at some of the topics that are discussed comedy style, but with a purpose. One reason we went back for other MLL nights.

While entertaining the thought of attending more conferences {parenting/marriage} or date nights we found ourselves growing. This included attending Alpha, Gamma and now my husband is involved with Mens Fraternity. He is now a facilitator.
I've watched my husband grow spiritually in ways I would have never thought there would be room to grow.
See, for Football Superstar, he wasn't exactly what I called an "average kinda guy".
Besides using a few added adjectives- he wasn't out partying it up on weekends with his partners from the office...he wasn't neglecting his fatherly duties....he wasn't doing anything to destroy our relationship....this man was worthy of my trust.
So where would any room for growth come into play in this ex athletes life?
He felt there was plenty of room for growth.
And now, as I listen to Football Superstar speak passionately about a friend who may be deeply struggling with his marriage, or a family member who finds themselves lost....I see the growth.
What was once important to him is now in the past. Or as he called it" A Sale Whore".
I know...that isn't a pretty thing to say...but that's exactly what his business world can be made up of. Not all of course keep that in mind as you read my words but for some of those high scaled business owners we have been connected with....this is very important.

Our marriage has grown even while we scramble with the "what to do's".
With career changes and a possible move in the future- there is absolute proof we are connected. We have a tie score on the score board. He's the lineman and I'm the cheerleader.
Our kids are the spectators. our fans?! They are watching this marriage win more than any Super Bowl. They are watching two adults they call mom and dad.
They are watching us work through the worst of times and love every moment of it.
Well...not every moment but we come out of the game showing all 3 of these kiddo's we mean it.
We married knowing we were "in love". But we now know love doesn't always equal marriage.

Marriage = Love



  1. All I can say is that I am so glad that you and Football Star found each other.

    Thank you for sharing so honestly on this post.


  2. I, too, just want to thank you for introducing yourself and your family to us through this blog - I hope to meet you someday at LW, but it's nice to know that if not, we'll meet in heaven!

  3. Love this....just wonderful!!! I want to just stand and clap...BRAVO GOD!!!!
    Let those kids continue to see you grow in all areas...and especially your love for each other!!!
    Enjoyed always,

  4. May the Lord make Hi s face to shine upon you