Sunday, October 21, 2012

The First Birthday*

October 13th~  this was my Mother's birthday.    The first year without her.  

I woke up that Saturday morning with a pretty busy "to do" list.
Things that I managed to put off the weekend before now were priorities for this day.
I thought about her.  
I wondered why I wasn't sad,  or crying because I can no longer physically touch her.
I can no longer take a morning drive up north and give her a pretty little birthday card
covered with flowers (daisies) on the front~ stating "Happy Birthday to a Wonderful Mother".

The years before when I would make that birthday visit - right before she began to fade
in the depths of dementia, I would watch her frail hands open the envelope (most likely pink or ivory) that contained her card.  She would slowly look at the front- her lips would move as she barely whisper the words.   She would smile at me~ then hand me the card to place on her nightstand.

I thought about this Saturday morning as I poured my coffee. 
I didn't cry.   I didn't feel sadness as I thought I would have. 
Was I wrong not to?

I spoke later with Football Superstar- and I feel as if the two years before my mother passed away-
I already knew that my mourning period began.   I knew the birthdays were no longer the important part of my visits.  Just sitting by her chair side, or sitting across her bed as she slept was important.
Holding her hand.   Listening to her breath.   Just quietness.
But still a visit no less.

God gave us the gift of love~ and with that comes remembrance.   Memories sketched in our minds to never forget the cherished moments we have with our loved ones.
And perhaps this is why I did not cry on October 13th.    I felt loved.  I felt her love.   Always will.

I love you ~ now close your little peepers will always be sketched in my mind.
I love you too mommy*


Sunday, September 30, 2012

Take time to........

Time is precious.  I could say....for me..... that lately my time is rare.   But yet, I find time to do things that I admit....... are not always those things on my priority list.  
I find time to call my family back home......   and I find time to jump on my laptop to do just what should be done last.      My family has the first time slot.    My friends don't always get so lucky for the second time slot because by the time - my time comes for me to do what I want to do- or need to do........   my time is short.    Or is it that I'm short on time.     And, ahum......   my time for dedication.      ouch.
Today, as I sit here typing because I had the time to do so.....or I made the time to do so....... I look around my home at my family and feel this is the time of my life when things seem so in place.  Even with illnesses and injuries.   He  has is  continues to guide me.
I wonder at this time in my life what comes next.   What is next in His plan for
And only at His time will this happen.  

Tomorrow is October 1st.    I try to think where did the time go in September?!!
So because this time seems to be going so quickly for me.......for all of us...... I want to find more time to do what is needed to do.   And my list of Taking Time For:    grows each moment.

I want to make time for others.   I want to give more of my time to those who have nothing- when I should be so fortunate for what our Father has given- me.    Making time to thank him is priority!

You know that old saying;  "take time to smell the roses".......  I would have to say for's
"take time and give time".

What time do you have?


Saturday, September 8, 2012

Summers Close

As much as I wanted summer to begin.....and stay for a very long time.......I am now inviting autumn.
I should be thankful for having the summers off~ to enjoy the hot summer days swimming, biking with Apple Cheeks and spending time with friends.
This summer I found myself falling by the wayside in my daily prayers.  
My time for talking with Jesus was not a focus.   I find myself from time to time having to discipline (me) once again.   
When I sit here and write (now type) thinking of what I (my family) did throughout summer- not sure I should admit that I did not take time for devotion.   And if and when I did.....  it was quick. 
I certainly took time to ask Him questions...... or ask the "whys" and "why not" that is for certain!
I picture Jesus sitting across from me shaking his head......  as I do at myself.

Why was Football Superstar going through so much pain?     Instead, I should have been thanking for what we did have....and what options were given to Football Superstar.   
Why are doctors so incredibly short for time?   Why are they not giving us, my husband, me, him, us, me, me, me, me, me, me.........  their precious time?

I had questions.   Am I no different from any other patient?    Oh, you are correct.... I am not the one suffering from chronic pain.    Sorry, didn't want to confuse you- my husband was is the patient.
My thoughts went something like this:
"Dear Doctor Littletime,
I would like very much for you to listen to me.   I would like for you to not worry about your golf outing..... nor should you be looking at your Rolodex, lunch can be warmed up in the microwave.   I don't truly care if you don't care to hear about my issues, oh, yeah, sorry.... my husbands health issues.    Funny, did I say my issues?
Now that I have your attention............................."

This suffering heartache went on for a number of months. Then, when we thought this chronic pain would be a life long attachment for me my husband- Dr. R. came into our lives.
Dr. R. sat for 57 long minutes with my husband - and me.   He talked in length of my husbands medical history......his football injuries.....his visits with a neurologist.....headache/back/neck pain......our lifestyle......stress.....(why do I feel a little guilty on that one) and to top it
After a series of test, and semi results.....Football Superstars pain has improved. 
It's amazing what can happen when you have the right listener.   oh, doctor.

Now, as I was saying......   as for my suffering heartache....... my selfishness of wanting my life with my husband to be as it was one year ago....... I had to just STOP..... stop making my chronic complaints to Him about poor ol' me.
Because of all the other summers I had with my husband to enjoy taking trips, or just sitting by the pool, taking in a dinner for just the two of us, watching a late night movie together......this is the only summer in our married life that was thrown off by a detour.   We had each other.  
I wasn't the one who may have had the MRI come back with a  red mark indicating what the rest of my life will be.    
So because I allowed this pain to attack me...... I stopped talking to the most important person I should have been going to all along.   Not "Dr. Littletime"..... and probably not Dr. R.
Our Savior.

Why is it I hear the song "How do you solve a problem like Maria"........ 

PS....if any of you ladies would like to stop by a new business blog I've created with my friend- please feel free to do so!    Would love to have some followers!   : )                 
Two Vintage Gypsies.....featuring Simple Dimple & Rose Cottage*

Monday, August 20, 2012

A Dog and his Man

He strolls down the sidewalk.......tail flagging as he greets joggers and an occasional speed-walker just barely glancing down at this majestic senior dog.  He doesn't seem to care if you are looking at him directly or not.
No eye contact or eye contact.  If you don't love him, he still loves you.  Just dare to try and walk past and not glance- just dare to not notice his gleaming reddish-golden coat.   Chest out....head up high with a wide open smile on his doggy face.
Yes, that's the dog.  He's the DOG.  
What's he thinking as he walks down the sidewalk- the same sidewalk he's been walking down for the past 2 years since he has lived here in this new town with his human family.  For the human, it's the same trees, the same cars, the same houses, the same road signs, the same familiar sidewalk.  Of course for the human, it's a good walk.  Relaxing (for the most part when the DOG is not stopping for "doo-ty call")  while taking in the fresh early morning summer air.   But for the DOG, what's he thinking?   Does he look up at the air bus coming in low for Dulles airport?   Does he think "wow...we should dodge the big plane...or hope the pilot knows what he's doin' "!    like the human with him does.
Does the DOG look at the crystal blue sky along with all the feathered and say "wow...look what GOD created".    What is this dog thinking?     His character never changes.   He has the same reaction every morning.  As if he has never gone for a walk before..... as if the scenery is if it was the best walk ever..... as if the world could end tomorrow and this walk-right here today is the best-darn-walk-this -dog has been on in 9 years!      or EVER been on in 9 years!

This same DOG has a couple humans he lives with.  But he "owns" a Man.  This man works long hours...and at times does not have the energy to go for walks or be the attentive doggy-dad he wishes to be.
This Dog's human has been under the weather.   As his human goes through a series of test for pain, and chronic headaches.....the dog knows.   He knows that his human - the one he waits for at the door each evening to come in and greet is thrown off somewhat.  Not the usual character for this human who just happens to be owned by the dog.
During a long 3 month ordeal of testing and doctor visits, the human comes home to sit on the couch..... just waiting for the pain to subside.  
And the Dog..... he walks over to his human and stares in his eyes.  He takes his strong broad head ever so gently and nudges the human as if to say "I'm here".   While the human has his hand on the broad golden head.....there is a sigh, and a smile.... (I swear it was from both)  and still the dog does not take his eyes off the human he owns.   Now, what is this dog thinking?      There are no trees or birds to distract this dog..... there are no joggers or walkers passing by......or other dogs to play with.....or to show off for. 
It's just a quiet room with his human.       As the rest of the household prepares for bed, the dog waits for his human to make the move.     His human gets up.......makes the gesture it's time for bed.   The dog waits as his human takes his medication......brushes his teeth.......and slides into bed before the dog goes to check out the rest of the household.   Everyone is tucked in.   The cat (oh, yeah...that darn cat he thinks) is finally content with her night time snack.  
The dog walks back into the bedroom and once again- with his strong broad head gently nudges his human as if to say "good-night".  
And of course, the other human he owns takes him back out for his night time "doo-ty call".   Back in the house..... back in the bedroom.....back to check on his human.....and then lights out.   As our Samuel retreats to his favorite corner of the bedroom- I see that smile.   Oh, that golden smile.  
Good-night, he seems to say.        
But what are you thinking my dear dog?     I guess it doesn't really matter..... all is good in his mind.
 Peace&'s good to be back posting!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Still here...and there....and....

Wow, it feels like forever since I have posted anything...actually it has been forever!
I am still here....going there.....feeling as if I'm spread about everywhere.   
Finding very little time to sit behind a computer and type- finding little time to journal.

I miss blogging.   I miss being able to catch up with you and read latest postings.

For now...know that I am still here.   And I hope you don't go away either!  : )
Hoping you are all having a wonderful summer...... until I find more time.
Peace & Love,

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

A Mother's Love

Whether she's here or in heaven,
 Mother's love is our haven and guide,
For always the memory of Mother
is a beacon light shining inside.
Time cannot destroy the memory,
and years can never erase
The tenderness and beauty
of the love in a mother's face.
And when we think of our mothers,
we draw nearer to God above,
For only God in His greatness
could fashion a mother's love.

                               Helen Steiner Rice

I woke up early this morning.   There was a cool breeze- fresh spring air.
Hazelnut coffee in my favorite white bone china mug.
As I sat on my balcony enjoying my coffee (6:30 am) the kids are sleeping- Football Superstar is with me and Sam on the balcony.  Quietness surrounds us.   Football Superstar already knows what the plans are for the day.   This was it.   I didn't want to get out of my favorite comfy PJ's for all the chocolate in the world.
I sat with my feet up for at least an hour.  Then it was more coffee- something to snack on- and back to the world of a blue sky and birds singing in delight as they moved from tree to tree.
Sam - our golden retriever- is in position- nose pinned through the rails of our balcony- waiting anxiously for one of the "Rambo Squirrels" to pass by.
Right before Football Superstar returned from a refill on his coffee- I had that moment.

I felt the loss of my mother once again.  
The past three years were hard watching her health decline- and celebrations were not easy for any of my family members- we all wanted her to physically and mentally be able to share in the joy of well....what we were enjoying.   Why not?   My mother the matriarch of our family.

I can't speak for my siblings....but my selfishness wanted my mother so badly to witness all the wonders and joy that was taking place.   Birthdays, holidays, picnics and Bocce ball tournaments in their backyard.

Last year for Mother's Day- I went alone for my visit.  I arrived at the nursing home before my sister and father.  I had twenty minutes to sit and hold her hand. 
After one of my visits prior to this day- I had a total break down right by her side.   She refused to her youngest and emotionally fragile began to hysterically cry and beg her to eat.   My mother turned to me holding my hand quietly and lovingly tells me not to cry.   She tries to wipe my tears with one of her crinkled tissues.   The only eye contact I had with her at that moment.   We may have sat there for only five seconds- but if felt like forever that she looked deeply into my blue eyes with her  green eyes.
This year- I do not have her green eyes to look into.

Today I miss her.  Terribly.    I become selfish again.   I want my mother here with me.
I want to tell her how much I love her.   I need her to give me suggestions for raising a teenage daughter.
I want her to see the life I live today.   
I want her to see my marriage- my happiness and my peace.
I want to hear her laugh.     I want to hear her voice.

As the door opens - Football Superstar walks out to join me for more coffee and quietness.
He asked if I was doing "okay".   He knew.   How did he know?    Geez, this man is tuned in!
I smiled letting him know I was "okay". 
As I looked down at Sam, I then glanced over by the pretty pink and white Impatience that my children bought for me..... Apple Cheeks and I planted them yesterday.    And next to my big shaggy dogs left paw was my mother's large ginger jar that held pretty pink Impatience. 

Happy Mother's Day.
With Love & Peace

Sunday, May 6, 2012

A CEO to Rebuild her Village

Mommy.   MOMMMMMY!  Mom.

I hear this title, this name so often that even at PetCo I turn around.   Like a momma bird, we know the sound of our children's voices- their tones- the pitch of their whines.   But when I hear "mommy" or "mom' I can't help but turn around no matter where I am.
It's built in to my internal being.  I didn't always want to be a mom/mommy/mother early in my life.  Remember, I had the world to see- even if it was from NYC's highest rooftop or by subway.   My friends who had children early in their marriages, I almost felt pity for.   I have no idea why I felt pity, maybe "Pity" was my armor NOT to marry-get prego-and wear stretchy pants.    They were wonderful mothers.   They were patient and loving.   Passionate about the full time CEO- Mother.

It wasn't until much later in my life that becoming one of the CEO's made an impact. 
I knew you needed a father- and that wasn't happening anytime during my mid 20's .... let's just say by the time I climbed the age ladder to 30- that would be a perfect time to begin my transformation to Social Treasure to CEO.     And you need to have a Father.   yes, that's important.

I love babies.   They smelled so fresh, of course baby powder helps- as if you could shake their crinkles and wrinkles out- you would smell linen.   White frilly linen.   
I enjoy working with young children.   They are honest, innocent and entertaining.
Adorable.   Lovable.   Precious.

Jumping ahead.
I'm now a CEO.   Been one for quite a few years.   Almost 16+ years.  
Those memories of my Social Treasure position come back from time to time..... I smile remembering the days where I had something called "Time".    You know what that is- where you place yourself on your very own calendar- your own alarm clock- your own pretty white crystal quartz wrist watch.   Lunch with a gal pal.  Hair appointments.   And don't forget sleeping in from time to time.   ah...yes.
Then a noise comes from a distance- snapping me out of my cloudiness.

Football Superstar and I enjoy the life of CEO.   We share this position for the most part.
We are partners in this firm.     We have board meetings.   minus the power point presentations, however I would vote for one once in a while!

Parenting doesn't come with directions or instructions.   There is a manual however and that comes either in King James or NIV here in our home.    But I will say- there are those moments when that manual throws a curve ball at me of Truth.   Hit's me dead center and I don't have my catchers mitt on.

I found a book my mother had in her room- "It Takes A Village".   Hillary Rodham Clinton.
I'm about half way- and there are pages where I feel my own mother wrote the words I read.

If anything- it does take a Village to help raise our children.   And in that village live family members, friends and teachers.   Cousins.   Playmates.   Pastors or Priest.  
I miss the days of values from my neighborhood.   Where everyone knew your name.  When they looked after you- even if it was only because you were walking from one street light to another.

Football Superstar and I are planning on rebuilding our village.

I ask you......  who lives in your village.... and are they willing to stand by your children?

From one CEO to another-

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Lions,Tigers, Bears and F-Bombs...oh my!!

Football Superstar and I were chatting this morning over coffee.... topic- Respect.
Mmm....where does one find this?    Are you able to purchase it online?     Does it come wrapped in brown paper and string?   Does it come with a guarantee-return it back for full refund?

Respect:   A feeling of deep admiration of someone or something.   To respect.   Given respect.

Oh, yes....I do believe I remember hearing about this.

Respect is something I know that can be earned.   To be given.   And to be received.

Now.... thinking about this word Respect, makes me think of the moments I sit in my office at school adjacent to the library.  I keep the door open for windows will make one climb the walls at times- I hear echos of the what sounds like lions, tigers and bears.    Actually it is not at all's human voices throwing out the F-bomb.   Yes.... it's the F-Bomb Storm Troopers throwing the toxic shock word through the hallways.  On occasion I will hear an adult voice (armed I am sure) throw back a grenade - with words like "stop that".... "excuse me????" ..... "watch that tone young man/lady"!
Yes, my friends we have come to the time of our lives when disrespecting is no longer cheating on a test or hooking out of school on a beautiful sunny day.
It's come to our language.   Our American society of "who cares" - "who gives a flying f*$#?"

I respect Football Superstar.    He respects me.  Our children see this.
We try to give our children the tools they need for this world.   To step out into society and treat people with Respect.     To be lions or tigers and bears of admiration to others.   To be role models.

I find it hard to imagine having a conversation with my husband without respecting one another.
Or living together without morals and admiration for each other.

I said to my husband.....  imagine our life full of bleeps.   ?    he shakes his head.... no.


Aretha Franklin said it very clearly.....  R-E-S-P-E-C-T..... what does it mean to you?

Lis  xoxox

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Stories to tell

Hello blogging friends.
Struggling I am....what to write about these days. I'm in awe with my favorite bloggers....what each on of you wonderful ladies write....what I read and what I digest from your powerful words. Inspiration you all are to me.
Once again, I come to a road block in my journey. Why? Why can't I seem to stay on track....on the course....on the once freshly paved road to my spiritual journey. Why is it that when I think I have something to say to you (type on my borrowed keyboard) I fail to do so. Coming from a gal who is never lost for words..... now I am. I wouldn't make the cut for professional writer...oh, but wait....this brings something to my simple mind!
I received a question of what happened to Football Superstar .... our journey. Maybe this is something to write about? Don't know..... would they be interested in this on-going romance?
Geez, we are just two regular Joe's. We are not Bradjolina. So why would anyone be interested in us?
Well, let me just say that thanks to Gracie- she gave me a book to read. I'm enjoying, yes, truly I am....but there was this "hey, who does this author think she is...taking my romantic story about a girl who was going to move to NYC and move on with her life....who does this now "country cooking wife" think she is? Well, she beat me to the punch-that's who she is! She wrote a blog, a romantic book, a cookbook, magazine articles, been seen on the Today Show and now has her own show on food net work!
So thanks to Gracie, and this mystery book- I've decided to focus on what God has been doing in my our my life with Football Superstar. Yep, I've decided to stop thinking about what God is just doing in my keeping me together....and give snippets of how my very own blue-eyed sexy man (yes I said it) Football Superstar are doing. Don't worry, it's not going to be full of sap and spice.

Maybe this thought of writing something that happens daily, weekly, monthly in my life- in my real life has been triggered by what I had to fight my roller-coaster emotions for. And what I am witnessing happen to many around me. Marriages are being torn apart- some are just beginning.
Relationships are becoming broken and promises glued back together for a period of time.
Makes me wake up..... makes me realize that I've got a lot of answering to God about and a lot of thanking Him for! I'm finding myself once again of being that spoiled brat- maybe the young girl who wanted what she wanted- who could fend for herself- who felt a sense of being brave and in control once again.
And maybe.......just maybe it took two very strong men to wake me up.

Peace& Love

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Does Heaven have a Garden Shop?

This morning Football Superstar and I were having a pretty deep conversation about Heaven.
I always know that when I have these conversations with my husband, they become deep........and sometimes intimidating of his knowledge. It's also a wonderful reminder to me just how strong my husbands faith is......and how important it is for him to "teach" his family right here right now.
So probably "intimidating" is not the correct word to use...... I find myself in awe with his words and passion as he speaks.

So, what is Heaven like? As we continue our conversation we take a break for more coffee.
The sun is breaking through the morning clouds- and a small birds chirp is as clear as the path the sun is creating. As I sip my delicious french vanilla coffee, I couldn't help but think about the scenery of Heaven. Are there flowers? If so....will there be sunflowers and daisies? Silly isn't it for a grown woman to wish for flowers in heaven.
Heaven.....the new Jerusalem......what will it be like?

I say to Football Superstar........." I wonder if I will work in a garden when I get to heaven?" Quietness and beauty.
Calm faces and God loving people.
Seeing those you loved and those who became part of your journey.

Because God loves us with a Never Stopping,
Never Giving Up, Unbreaking,
Always and Forever Love~
Heaven is breaking through~
He is sending us a Light from Heaven
To shine on us like the sun
To shine on those who live in darkness
And in the shadow of death
To guide our feet into the way of peace.

I smell beautiful flowers.

Love & Peace

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Saying Goodbye

Tuesday- January 31st. It was a very warm and sunny morning. The drive to Pennsylvania was long- longer than usual- even with very little early morning traffic.
I was alone. Drinking coffee and listening to a local DC station deliver the latest of events and traffic along with the weather forecast almost seemed foreign. My mind was in fast mode and I wanted to break the speed limit even though my car wouldn't allow me to do so.

My mother was dying.
Thoughts poured into my mind- like my last visit with her. Pleasant - quiet.
My last few visits with her were just that. She would barely lift her head to make eye contact. Her frail body propped by a single pillow kept her from slumping over, yet she (to me), looked so uncomfortable. Her once beautiful green eyes were always closed, well, maybe one eye would open slightly to indicate she was acknowledging your presence. And on a good day, she would hold your hand- firmly. For me, holding her petite- but strong hand felt as if she was still in control of my every move. I was a small child again, holding her hand while we strolled along the busy New Jersey boardwalk or Trick-or Treat night dressed as Cinderella. I felt safe.
My car smelled of her favorite body splash and perfumes. I could hear my Mother on the other end of the phone laughing as we would watch a television show together. I felt guilty knowing I really never apologized for being such a stubborn young woman. knowing best for MY life in NYC or any other place I decided to trace off to

By the time I arrived at my parent's home my sister was on the phone with the nursing father greets me at the door to tell me she passed. In that moment my mind went blank.
At the nursing home we sat with her until she the funeral director arrived. It almost seemed as if she was sleeping. Her hands were folded across her chest simply......almost as if she placed her hands in that position. Calmly. Her skin was so soft. And flawless.

In the days to come my time with my siblings and our father was busy and somewhat disorganized. I don't know, how do you really prepare for death and what comes after.
I've been informed by some how they "prepared" for the death of their loved one. really?
Even with a disease that has haunted your loved one or an illness that has a lottery on you - can you truly prepare for the loss....... asking God to give strength and guidance was something I needed to do..... for months I've been saying goodbye to my Mother. I knew it was only a matter of time. My husband would listen and give (me) support, and help me to understand this walk. But when Tuesday morning came to be I was not ready- prepared to say goodbye.

Today I hear her. I smell Jeanne Nate' body splash. I hear her voice and I see those green eyes focused on every move I make. I feel her inside of my own parenting. funny how I always said I'll never be my MOTHER!

As I wrote about my Mother in another post, she was a wonderful Mother.
My sister, brother and I were very lucky. So was my Father.

I look back at my childhood and today as an adult with "thanksgiving". her favorite holiday

Make me an instrument of thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love'
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.

In loving memory of my Mother - October 13, 1929- January 31, 2012

Friday, January 27, 2012

A Godly Child

I had the opportunity to listen to a teacher talk about her student. A little girl.
As I listened to this teacher, a wave of emotions took over my mind and my body. I laughed, cried and even bit my lip a few times. It was quite a story. I must admit I'm glad I was "invited" to listen.

This child is forgiving and loving. She finds time in her day to hug her friends when they are sad, and never hesitates to tell them she will "say a prayer" for them. Her one classmate lost his mommy last year to cancer. This little girl knows that her classmate is sad.....he misses his mommy and at times misbehaves. The little girl continues to pray for him.

The teacher spoke of this little girl as a "Godly child". One who truly carries Jesus in her little heart. She is eager to learn in Bible class and wants to hear more about Jesus.
This little girl wants to please. She wants to give and wants to help.
I heard words like "forgiving", "happy", "loving" and a "child of God" repeated often.

This teacher had tears in her eyes when she spoke of her "babies". She told me that the entire kindergarten class are her babies and she loves them all! She giggled as she wiped her eyes......and I could see the genuine love in her face for these children. But the little girl she spoke of stood out in my mind..... my own heart.

It's these precious years that are so important to give children the foundation of Truth.
But as we teach our children about God, there will be a time when they follow their own hearts and minds. We can only pray they continue their journeys. Truth.

All I can say, is I'm sure this little girl's mommy & daddy are very proud of her. : )


Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Face

I finally decided to blog this evening. I've struggled on what to write exactly.....trying to keep my post short -yet interesting. As most of you know I have been experiencing a block. I find a quiet moment in my home. Grand Central Station is rarely quiet and calm. but even then my mind goes blank. Except for this one thing that continues to flow through my mind.
But, do I write about it? Shouldn't I keep writing about my journey? Shouldn't I keep my blog post following my every move......after all that is how this So I begin- began.

We have been spoiled by the warm weather over the past few weeks. But one chilly afternoon I ran to Wal-Mart for a few items. I was alone. Which that itself is unusual, perhaps I should carry my journal with me for those quiet moments! I'm waiting 2 cars back at the traffic light. One must be alert because when the light turns green here in the metro area it's like the Indianapolis 500....people race to get to the next traffic light and if you are not will get blown over by a Lexus SUV or a Mercede's sedan. Which isn't hard for my "hippy mom's" Subaru Forester. That afternoon I didn't worry about the Lexus running me over to get to Route 28. I couldn't take my eyes off of the man who stood on the concrete island at the traffic light. His face looked tired and his clothes were soiled. He was wearing appropriate clothing for this chilly Tuesday afternoon. His recycled cardboard sign said: "HOMELESS". That was it. No "WILL WORK FOR FOOD" or "NEEDS A JOB".

I've seen faces like this over and over, a dozen times over when I worked as a case worker in the city's homeless shelter. I've watched people come and go with all kinds of "Reason #1's"
This man shouldn't affect me like I've never seen a homeless person before. After all, my most memorable client, "Ginny" the 80 year old street rat placed me in the case workers "Hall of Fame"! Joking of course....but Ginny certainly made each day either a disaster or a delight.

So why am I unable to erase this mans face away from my memory. The man who pulled up beside me on Route 7 in his sporty little BMW looked like the homeless man. The young man who bagged my groceries at Wegmans had his face! Even one night as I'm trying to watch the weather channel there he was reporting DC's forecast for the weekend!
Football Superstar listens with compassion. But he can't erase the face from my mind.

You may be wondering why I'm writing about my attempt to forget a man's face that I never met. You may be wondering why it is affecting me like it is. If you figure it me because I would love to know!
All I can say is as we drive each day to our destination(s), we are absorbed. With what to order at Starbucks. We are driven my earning more money. We are obsessed with reality shows and or entertainers who are behaving badly. At work all I hear about is the Republican party candidates. Sorry...but it's like "Who's Coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs". I'm just as guilty of placing "something" in the center of my day. Chocolate comes to mind. My Subaru will blow over the Lexus for that very reason.

Was he someones father?
Was he someones husband? Or Is he?
Is he ill (mentally/physically)?
He's alone.
He's someones son.

I didn't want to think he did something such as a crime.

I've tried to place issues aside just so I can raise my children, be a wife, go to work without having some sort of "current event" tripping me. I'm always trying to get to the bottom of something. Why can't I "save" or fix it.
Subjects such as racism, teen pregnancy, suicide, child abuse, animal abuse and homelessness have been on my "To Do" list for many many years.

These past few days I've been able to do just that. I placed those topics aside. I may hear or witness a gripping story. I may be saddened by the fire that destroyed a home in DC. But with all this I still can't erase that face......the face that didn't look angry or sad. Even though he looked tired he did not appear to be anxious. He almost looked- peaceful.
Someone mentioned to me perhaps he was testing his fellow NoVa's to see who would stop.
I don't know...... Maybe I'm not to know. Maybe I'm to do.