A Mother's Love
Whether she's here or in heaven,
Mother's love is our haven and guide,
For always the memory of Mother
is a beacon light shining inside.
Time cannot destroy the memory,
and years can never erase
The tenderness and beauty
of the love in a mother's face.
And when we think of our mothers,
we draw nearer to God above,
For only God in His greatness
could fashion a mother's love.
Helen Steiner Rice
I woke up early this morning. There was a cool breeze- fresh spring air.
Hazelnut coffee in my favorite white bone china mug.
As I sat on my balcony enjoying my coffee (6:30 am) the kids are sleeping- Football Superstar is with me and Sam on the balcony. Quietness surrounds us. Football Superstar already knows what the plans are for the day. This was it. I didn't want to get out of my favorite comfy PJ's for all the chocolate in the world.
I sat with my feet up for at least an hour. Then it was more coffee- something to snack on- and back to the world of a blue sky and birds singing in delight as they moved from tree to tree.
Sam - our golden retriever- is in position- nose pinned through the rails of our balcony- waiting anxiously for one of the "Rambo Squirrels" to pass by.
Right before Football Superstar returned from a refill on his coffee- I had that moment.
I felt the loss of my mother once again.
The past three years were hard watching her health decline- and celebrations were not easy for any of my family members- we all wanted her to physically and mentally be able to share in the joy of well....what we were enjoying. Why not? My mother the matriarch of our family.
I can't speak for my siblings....but my selfishness wanted my mother so badly to witness all the wonders and joy that was taking place. Birthdays, holidays, picnics and Bocce ball tournaments in their backyard.
Last year for Mother's Day- I went alone for my visit. I arrived at the nursing home before my sister and father. I had twenty minutes to sit and hold her hand.
After one of my visits prior to this day- I had a total break down right by her side. She refused to eat...so her youngest and emotionally fragile began to hysterically cry and beg her to eat. My mother turned to me holding my hand quietly and lovingly tells me not to cry. She tries to wipe my tears with one of her crinkled tissues. The only eye contact I had with her at that moment. We may have sat there for only five seconds- but if felt like forever that she looked deeply into my blue eyes with her green eyes.
This year- I do not have her green eyes to look into.
Today I miss her. Terribly. I become selfish again. I want my mother here with me.
I want to tell her how much I love her. I need her to give me suggestions for raising a teenage daughter.
I want her to see the life I live today.
I want her to see my marriage- my happiness and my peace.
I want to hear her laugh. I want to hear her voice.
As the door opens - Football Superstar walks out to join me for more coffee and quietness.
He asked if I was doing "okay". He knew. How did he know? Geez, this man is tuned in!
I smiled letting him know I was "okay".
As I looked down at Sam, I then glanced over by the pretty pink and white Impatience that my children bought for me..... Apple Cheeks and I planted them yesterday. And next to my big shaggy dogs left paw was my mother's large ginger jar that held pretty pink Impatience.
Happy Mother's Day.
With Love & Peace