Turn and face the change.......

The farmhouse still had moving boxes stacked in the dining room and in the attic. Did I mention this home has a huge attic- the kind you can stand stand straight up in....even if you are over 5' 2". It's clean, no real scary critters except for a squirrel who thought he/she was the official tenant and we had no right to evict. The area was sealed off- goodbye squirrel

I was so happy that no bats ever greeted me when I would run up for a box or two.

the stairs to the attic are the "cheese wedge" style- to fall down these steps would be a trip to the ER- and that would have been me if I were to encounter anything with wings

After celebrating our first Christmas here in the old farmhouse- life continued as usual. Kids are back in school and Football Superstar is picking up a new business partnership with a builder. Open houses and meetings keep him pretty busy. I'm antiquing/junctinqing and decorating. Adding personal touches to the kids bedrooms- China Doll liked decorating her bedroom with a cat theme- Freckle Boy liked anything football or baseball related as long as it had the Philadelphia logo. Ugh

My karate lesson car pool continued. Freckle Boy joined China Doll in classes- they were both attending the same classes which worked out perfectly. I enjoyed watching during the hour long session- getting to know other karate parents. One family in particular who adopted their two children from Korea. Another mom who I knew from working at the shelter- this mom is a nurse for another city agency that works with young mothers. And our future plumber joined us as well while watching his son receive techniques from some highly skilled instructors.

We would sit around a table and chat, tell one another what has been happening in our busy lives while enjoying coffee. We took turns each week running to Starbucks -giving our order to the "runner" via e-mail or phone call the week before. Most of the time we parents would get a little silly, perhaps even loud. Ms. D. the manager of this karate club would give us the "parent look"....adding a forced and firm SSSSHHHHHH! I was not about to give Ms. D any crap.....this instructor had a 4th degree black belt- of course I listened to her....just like I did in 5th grade when Sister Josephine snapped SSSSSSSSSHHHHHH! at least Ms. D's face was not covered up by a habit!

Now, the owner of Kenpo was of a different degree. He was a man of honor. A man who earned respect without even demanding it. Mr. R. was firm but diverse. He had a 10th degree black belt and a few more I never knew what the other bands on his black belt stand for and the craziest sense of humor! We karate parents who sat at our weekly round table felt very honored to have Mr. R. sit with us during instruction hey, he's the boss he gets to sit down now and then and tell us the funniest jokes. We would fall off our chairs in laughter. Especially after I "got it". He would talk about his latest travels with his wife- which the stories somehow ended in a humorous way. Mr. R. would no sooner walk away from our table of giggling or roaring parents and we would get the scolding from Ms. D. again But....but....but...Mr. R. started it! What message were we sending our kids? Oh, yeah that one- parents just wanna have fun!

My sister/limo driver/Aunt Debbie and my father would come now and then to watch the kids and take pictures. China Doll really liked that- she would pretend not to see them, but after class would sprint over to the table to greet with hugs and kisses.

Besides taking my kids to karate, keeping up with school activities, little league running errands, arranging family events or trying to sneak in a date night with my husband, I would walk Sam each morning. We were told Sam was a few pounds overweight- especially for his breed. He needed to shed those extra pounds. Me too. It wasn't so much the extra pounds I needed to shed- Ben & Jerry or NY Deli Bagels will do that do you I felt the need to exercise. I began finding I had no extra energy at the end of a day. Normally, I would have extra fuel stashed somewhere inside my body...never had a problem with that before. I do not mind exercising, but I never enjoyed aerobics. Zumba yeah- Yoga yes- walking, hiking absolutely. Biking forget it. I'm a danger to you if we are riding on the same path

I'm thinking here it is....I hit my 40's and now I must watch my weight....my food intake....eat healthy my mother always said.....kick the chocolate habit (oh, no can't live without Mr. Hershey) eat more veggies. Ugh....okay, not trying to complain, but I was NOT liking this feeling at all.

To top off my lack of energy I also had those dark circles- the kind that made a raccoons eyes look bright and my back was hurting as if I did fall down a flight of stairs. I would whine to my sister/limo driver, yes whine, she will tell you. And I will tell you she would say to me "you're looking frumpy sister....you're looking like a soccer mom in those baggy sweats." Sweetly of course yeah right

At least my baggy sweats were in fashion- J.Lo wore baggy BPhatt sweats all the time- so there sister girl. Even with makeup I looked unhealthy. A month of this and I was about to scream.

I became Rocky Balboa. Speed walking around our back roads - walking Sam to the point he would turn me around to come home- using yoga to flatten my stomach and strengthen my aching back. My feet were screaming from all the pounding- I never stopped I went and purchased better running shoes. Weights were borrowed from my fathers stash- oops, still need to return those and eating less of this and more of that. Okay, now I should be out of my baggy sweats and into my favorite torn jeans- more energy and looking better without makeup. Jeans still tight. My back still ached. Baby raccoons were sitting outside looking for their momma. Can't keep a hair style - my hair is either falling out or growing like a weed. And now I find this odd thing in my stomach area- just below my pants line. No pain, but I could feel it. Football Superstar has had enough of my symptoms and insist I call a new family doctor- go for a complete physical. He can feel this lump- but says nothing. I already had myself diagnosed with a tumor. My family and friends were on Football Superstars band wagon- call a doctor now- or we will do it for you. I'm scared. I get a referral from our new school district and I make the call. I have two weeks until I can get in to see my new doctor. Maybe in two weeks, this thing/tumor will go away. Maybe it's a huge gas bubble.

I've seen National Enquire headlines while waiting in the line at the grocery store- haven't you?

During my two week wait- I'm taking Ex-Lax and those pretty pink gentle overnight relief tablets.....never in my life have I ever wanted to swallow dynamite - but knowing the damage it would do, I'm trying this gentle method. NOTHING hAPpEnS!

I have my visit with Dr. F. who was very nice. She took her time with me, asking plenty of questions - family history- my childhood- and she also listened to me. which made me feel better already

I'm healthy. My heart good. My weight- well a few pounds more than I was at 40, but now I hit 43. The good doctor has no issues with my weight gain- because it's only 4 pounds more than I was at 40. What? I feel like like I have been stuffed for Thanksgiving- my pants do not fit- my feet are swollen almost looking like puffer fish and I'm constipated beyond what any dynamic magic pink pill gentle overnight sensation will do for me. Please help.

Dr. F. is thinking perhaps my thyroid could be over/under acting....so she orders blood work. I don't need to go far or wait an extra day. The lab is directly across the parking lot from her practice. I walk over to give my blood away- thats how I look at it I'm not very good at being a cooperative blood giver- most of the time nurses love my veins....I hear "great veins!" Shut up and just take my blood you vampire.

As I'm walking out of the lab, I see the good doctor running towards me calling my name.

She places her hand on my arm and ask if I have done a pregnancy test at home before coming in for my appointment. Is she deaf? Did she not hear me say that I was unable to have children. Tried- tested- no can do naturally. Dr. F. continues to tell me that when she examined my abdomen she felt something. I know she felt something I saw her eyes squint while I was staring at the ceiling. And she wasn't telling me it was a tumor until my test results come back. So, I'll make the good doctor happy and go pee in a cup so she can tell me it's negative.

I did my pee test. Dr. F. has me wait in an exam room until she takes my little cup of urine to be tested. All I wanted to do was give my blood to the vampire and run over to the local deli for a nice slice of NY cheesecake. As I'm waiting, I pick up a People magazine just for something to do- the headline Brad&Angelina - TWINS. I place the magazine back on the table- front cover facing down.

My smiling doctor walks into the exam room with a small round calendar like thing- she tells me that the test stick didn't even touch my urine and it read "positive". she's smiling

She wants me to sit down- so not to fall and hit my head on the exam table which that would be something I would do.

Dr. F. said later I looked like a deer in headlights. Or was that raccoon?

How in Gods name did this happen? I'm too old to have a baby. I'm gonna sue that doctor from 10+ years ago! no not really

What happens if......what if the baby......what if. Fears began to settle deep inside of me.

Dr. F. calmly speaks to me about other mothers who have been in the 40's and the care they received during their pregnancy. She gives me strength to think and speak. Quickly I needed to make a choice on the OBGYN. My doctor is on the phone making an appointment for me asap....why asap....I was shy of going into my 4th month of pregnancy. I had a lot of catchin' up to do!

She asked if she could call my husband for me....and if I was able to drive myself home.

I wonder if I would have said no, please drive me home if she would have stopped at the deli for that cheesecake?

I was okay to call Football Superstar and drive.

I'm sitting in the parking lot and call my husband at his office. All I can say as I'm trying not to cry is- will you meet me half way......as he tosses questions to me. Are you okay? What did the doctor say? What is wrong? JUST MEET ME!

We met at Sheetz. I no sooner sit in his car and burst into tears.

Me: I'm pregnant.

FS: What? smiling/light laughter What!? Oh, my gosh you told me you couldn't get pregnant!

Me: What are we going to do?

FS: What do you mean what are we going to do.....we're not 16.....it's going to be just fine.

Still smiling he answers my cell phone that is ringing. It was Dr. F. calling to see if I made it home okay, and if I contacted my husband. He is laughing, thanking her, looking mighty confident. I must have looked like a wreck for her to call. Or...perhaps she was just being- the good doctor.

We sit in Sheetz parking lot crying together- happy tears.

Life Lessons: Turn and face the change.....cha-cha-changes.

Peace&Love,

Lis