Accidentally In Love

"So I said I'm a snowball running,

Running down into the spring that's coming all this love

Melting under blue skies

Belting out sunlight

Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender

To the strawberry ice cream

Never ever end of all this love

Well I didn't mean to do it

But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning

Mean we're never alone,

Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on

Move a little closer

Come on, Come on

I want to hear you whisper

Come on, Come on,

Settle down inside my love

We're accidentally in love............."

~ Counting Crows lyrics

Personally I think Adam Duritz wrote these lyrics for me...... I was guarded - but yet I was the snowball running.

The single Dad and I were knitting this relationship tightly....quickly.....with ease. No issues regarding the kids - they were still singing their made up song "Lovey Dovey" to us....requesting more dinners, movie nights and "family" events for the new season around the corner. Spring.

I'm finding this new relationship not overwhelming- not even a hint of missing out on the opportunity to move to my home away from home. New York will not be moving to any other location....we can always visit there together.

After all, the single Dad has a brother who lives upstate NY and a sister-in-law living in New Jersey.

Spring is here.

It's my birthday. Sometimes I forget how "old" I really am. Age was only a number in my parents household.

Well, maybe with the exception of my father. When he was asked how old he was- he would tack on a year or maybe two- just so he could hear "Oh, no...you do not look 55!!!" Vain? Perhaps. My mother on the other hand, didn't care if she were 45 or 50. She looked fantastic no matter what her age. Her Ivory girl skin was due to not worshipping the sun.

Like my father I was a sun worshipper. I loved the outdoors. The beach. My summer working - cough cough- at the beach I used baby oil. Again- what the heck was I thinking- apparently all the lecturing my mother did passed right through my young brain....after all, what did she know about tanning with baby oil. Her beach attire usually consisted of an adorable bathing suit- covered up with an adorable trendy coverup- with a wide brim hat & Jackie Kennedy sunglasses! {laughing}

My birthday - the kids and single Dad have plans for me. Grilled Tuna steaks- cake & ice cream - and sweet gifts from the kids. Handmade items. THE VERY BEST KIND! Single Dad gives me a romantic gift- candles from B&B, Victoria Secret perfume and beautiful silver earrings. I always enjoyed the month of May.....but this particular year May was by far- the bestest! {smiling} As we sat outside on the deck of single Dads apartment- we talked about a summer vacation. Beach? An amusement park? Both? One thing that single Dad and I agree on is if we choose a beach trip- it will be a location we are able to rent a beach house- right on the beach- no packed in like sardines beaches- clean beaches- no boardwalks. We decided on the Outer Banks. We can drive to locations for sight seeing- dog friendly- beaches are clean- surf fishing and plenty of other fun things to do. The only "problem" if any when we booked our vacation for June- was our house to rent wasn't directly on the beach- it was one road over. No problem, the road did not have much traffic. It sure looked perfect according to the online realtor. We all can not wait!!

June 2004.

Outer Banks!! We are packing up the single Dads new Honda Pilot. Kids- check. Luggage - check. Food- check.

Boogie Boards/Beach Chairs- check. Dog items- check. CD's and DVD's for the 10 hour car ride- check. Money/credit cards- check. Camera(s)- check.

We are on the road- we stop for fuel {both gas & coffee}. About 30 minutes into this drive on Rt. 83, we begin to hear this horrible humming. A loud horrible humming. Like an airplane was flying very low over our vehicle.

What is going on? Single Dad ask me to look out my window to see if anything came loose.....try doing that while the vehicle is going at the speed of 60. I decide to take out a compact mirror that was in my backpack- like a spy in a movie I held it out the window- and there goes my compact mirror. We get off the next exit to find a hardware store.....seems as if the straps were not holding our items on top of the new Pilot down tight enough. Maybe we should have planned this trip with the TRAVEL TURTLE that was offered to us- no?

Nah....we can do this- with nylon rope the single Dad purchased at the mom and pop hardware store. Well, our stuff wasn't going anywhere- but for the next 9 1/2 hours we did not speak to one another. The acoustics were unbearable. The humming was more like a helicopter now circling above the vehicle. If the single Dad needed me to give an exit- he would tap my knee....then I would yell "15B" or "HERE>>>RIGHT HERE!"

The kids had no issues- along with this new Honda Pilot came head phones......they were nestled in their seat belts watching movie after movie. Or China Doll was sleeping. Heidi & Sam that was another story. Sam did manage to find a spot to lay down in the back - beside some luggage- Heidi was having more issues with the sound. Once in awhile I would see single Dad look into the rear view mirror and laugh- the poor dogs ears were pinned down as if she were in a wind tunnel. Or he would smile and look over at me mouthing "I love you"...."can't wait to hit the beach"! WHAT? We stopped half way to eat and stretch. Let the dogs out of the sound machine.

The warm sun felt nice....stretching was even better.....but that darn humming sound was still lingering in my ears.

I have to laugh now thinking about our ordering session at McDonalds. We were talking so loudly the employees flipping burgers would peek out from under the grill cover.....why are they looking at us so weirdly? China Doll and Freckle Boy were a little embarrassed but didn't dare say anything- or this momma was going to steal their soft headsets and make them suffer right along for the next 4 or so hours.

I do believe it took us 2 days to finally speak in a low tone.

Seven days in North Carolina we had perfect weather. Rain maybe once during an early morning- but the sun returned for us. The beach house was perfect. Each morning we had our coffee on the 2nd level deck watching the sun dance over the ocean water. My fear of heights wouldn't allow me to enter the Crow's Nest. After breakfast we would round up the gear and take off for the beach. We would take the dogs for the morning part of our stay at the beach- Sam wasn't into the ocean crashing into him but he enjoyed rolling in the sand making his version of "sand angels". Heidi enjoyed the crashing waves but drank way too much salt water and would give the special effects of a fountain squirting from both directions (sorry for the graphic details). I would walk the dogs back to our house- hose them off - and set them up in the enclosed sun porch where they too had a great view of whatever dogs decide to ooh and ahh over.

We were having a great time at the beach, touring the local islands, boogie boarding, eating (bland) but good local seafood, night time walks on the beach, collecting cool shells and taking tons, I mean tons of photos.

Whenever I'm on vacation- unlike most people- I don't really get homesick. I enjoy each and every moment of the time away from the daily grind of work- or what life can throw at us. The beach gives me a chance to escape. And maybe it is short lived but it is a fantastic short lived escape.

Our 7th day is coming to a close. As we pack up we all know what is in store for the 10 hour road trip. The HUMMING monster!! It's something we can not fight- we can not run from- we only accept the fact that the hum will be with us until we arrive home.

Less than one hour into our drive we get stuck in a traffic jam. It's not a bad thing- the single Dad and I can talk to one another and laugh and chat about our first family vacation together. We hear yet another sound- not a hum- but a loud grumble and then a spat! Heidi is trying desperately to climb around the pet guard to get away from whatever is happening in the very back of the Pilot. What is happening back there? Again we hear this nasty spat sound.

Oh man! Freckle Boy sounds the alarm- Sam is puking all over the back! We get out of the line of traffic- pull over to the side of the road to find dog vomit all over the luggage- Heidi frantically jumped out of the vehicle (can't really blame her the odor was horrible) and Sam sitting there just looking like a doofus. The single Dad handed Heidi over to Freckle Boy as we cleared out the back and cleaned what was smelly and wet. Using our beach towels we cleaned Sam off. Instead of becoming furious and allowing tempers to fly- we try to make the best of this situation. Again, one we couldn't control- or could it have been? Maybe not feeding the dogs their morning meal before we headed out may have helped - or not.

If this was the only inconvenience great- but knowing what was in store for us while driving- cleaning up dog vomit was no problem! HUM!!!!!!

Oh my goodness we make it back to PA in one piece- no dog issues- the kids are both sleeping- we are home and for the very first time I was glad to be home! It took another 2 days for our hearing to return to normal.

We made some new memories- can't wait to see the pictures!

WHAT? No digital memory card in the single Dads camera? What happened to my new camera?

Thank goodness for memories.

Life Lesson: Always remember to check your camera for its memory card & borrow the TRAVEL TURTLE!

Peace&Love,

Lis

Chicken Scratch from 2000-04

Today I found a few scribbles of chicken scratch that was on a note pad from many "workshops" and classes from the past. At least once in your life you had to experience an instructor or professor who spoke in flatline tone

During the days of sitting in a perfectly square classroom located downtown- no windows

I would need multiple cups of Sparky&Clarks to keep me awake. And....I would write as my cohorts doodled.

A snippet of what I can read of my own chicken scratch........

*Climb K2 *Help to end Dog Fighting *Help save the planet

*Read more on global warming *Put an end to puppy mills *Eat healthier (?)

*Find a way to end racism *Spend more time with my mother

*Attend more Yankee games *Move before 2004 *Drink less coffee

Read the following again: *Where the Sidewalk Ends *Falling Leaves *Where the Heart Is

*It's a Wonderful Life *Zen for Dummies *A Boy Called It

Places to return to: Holocaust museum - Strawberry Fields - Naples Florida (probably to find those cute dolphins & seniors in their speedos) - Road Trips with Gracie - Paradise Island - Vegas - China (adopt more babies) - Tibetan Temple ceremony

So what did I eventually accomplish? By now, you know I'm not living in New York- and I haven't returned to swim with the Naples dolphins.....I did however return to watch Yankee games.....and I took road trips.....but I didn't return to the Tibetan temple.

I read all the books again. After learning that my mother was diagnosed with Parkinson disease, I wanted to try and spend quality time with her- it was getting difficult- watching my mother who was very independent, healthy and strong willed take a major step into the unknown. Her mental awareness was beginning to take it's own journey. I've asked myself since if her mental health was affected by this disease before the physical signs surfaced. She wasn't herself. A woman I wasn't able to speak to more less like at moments. My father took on the roll as nurse. not always a good thing This situation was not healthy for either one of them.

I researched Parkinsons and Lupus. Later to find she was in the beginning stages of Parkinson related dementia. Even with this knowledge I found myself getting so angry with her.....selfishness on my sleeve again. What and why did this have to happen to my mother- the person I needed to speak with- I had topics that were important to me- topics I wanted/needed to speak with her about and get off my chest. And here I sat speaking to this woman- my mother- listening to her ask me....what's your name?

Life Lesson: Never let a day go by without saying I love you Mom.

Peace&Love,

Lis

Scrap Book

China Doll & Freckle Boy ~ Rainforest Cafe 04'

Big girls don't......blame others.

I survived my next sighting of the single Dad. However, I did commit to other invites with friends and purposely arranged other activities for China Doll and I to do- circulate with our other friends, spend mommy/daughter quality time together......thinking if I do not answer the phone or the door- perhaps this will all settle or go away.

This lasted about a week- China Doll was driving me crazy asking when we were going to see Freckle Boy and the single Dad again.

Christmas came. Celebrations continued while China Doll was on holiday vacation from school- and I had a few days off from work. Where to go for New Years Eve? New York? The Harbor?

Or a friends house for their annual New Years Eve festivities. I opted to stay home...until the topic came up with the single Dad and his freckled face son. Why not go downtown and celebrate with the kiddos? I personally found activities/cultural events slim in this small city- I worked there and unfortunately never found too many places of interest. Maybe this was due to my "spoiled-ness" of bringing in the new year in other known *places*

My arm didn't need twisting- but I did want to investigate what entertainment was scheduled for New Years Eve. We certainly wouldn't want to invest in those cute little buttons you wear on your coat- and find the entertainment to be sparse.

I was pretty impressed with the festivities of the evening.....good coffee from Take Five, Irish dancers, Italian food, kids enjoyed a local rock band and other fun entertainment down at the old time square.

It's almost midnight- I'm impressed that China Doll didn't find a corner to curl up in and fall asleep. We are all watching the rose drop with a thousand others.....it's almost midnight. Happy New Year! China Doll who was standing on a curbside planter jumped into my arms like a flying squirrel....I barely caught her in my arms! I smiled at the single Dad and wished him a very happier New Year- better than any other year. He smiled back and wished me the same. There was that stare again.....what is with that stare?

We drove home again in that uncomfortable silence- except for Freckle Boy who was fully awake asking those boy questions- where do the fire works come from....he's hungry (again)....can we rent a movie (it's 12:45 am kid). China Doll fell asleep almost immediately after her seatbelt was fastened. We arrived at 79 Royal and like last months trip to Hershey I jump out of the car with my house keys ready- grab my sleeping angel and thanked single Dad for another great time. Heidi went out for her nightly potty break- right outside my front door- no walk to hide by the pretty green dumpster- pee and lets get inside for some much needed sleep. And thats exactly what we did.

New Years Day.

China Doll and I went over to my parents for dinner. The Florida family members were still in PA visiting. This was a short visit for us....China Doll needed to get a good nights rest- the holiday stretch was about to come to a close for all of us. With this new year- a new opportunity should be coming our way- a phone call from one of the six agencies I applied with should do just fine.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened within the weeks to follow. I'm working and without my fellow caseworker. I now had every caseload. On call rotation every 4 weeks instead of every 6 weeks. Things are getting a little hairy in the shelter. Clients becoming violent- sneaking out past curfew to catch the corner drug dealer for their night time fix- smoking crack in the shelter laundry room (really dumb) - and then there would be the single mom taking off in the middle of the night with her 6 kids all under the age of 7. Try explaining that to C&Y the next morning.

I would at times become a little annoyed at government employees in my field when they would complain about the small amount of "extra pay" they received for their on call.

Extra Pay? What is that? Oh, yeah and the politicians who claimed there was no homelessness or drug abuse in PA. You wonder why they gave me headaches!

I would go home and rub Buddhas belly- burn some incense and grab my yoga mat- all is well for now.

The single Dad is calling- we continued our friendly dog walks, kid related stuff and the occasional no kids dog walk. He still came to get my dog on certain days. After weeks of walking her on his own, my dog, the one I payed for is becoming overly attached to this single Dad. Almost to the point where she could care less about the hand that feeds her. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.....you may end up at 118 Royal!

Heidi was growing out of her satellite ears- she was looking more like a German Shepherd Dog. Her graceful stance and majestic walk- that is when she wasn't being carried back to my apartment by the single Dad. This dog was getting spoiled rotten- and I mean you could smell the rot beginning to rotten before it rotted! I'll admit, I've spoiled my pets but this time I was not to blame.

On this particular day after I arrived home from work- a phone call from the single Dad came right as I was making my famous macaroni & cheese. It was his birthday- he was asking me if I would like to join him for a drink. You mean no kids and adult beverages where I do my hair and put on makeup? I never fed China Doll so quickly- and I had her up at my sisters studio apartment in less than an hour. I managed to find a decent pair of jeans (no tatters or holes in the bum) and a flirty shirt that was (thank goodness) already ironed. Make up, hair done and my cool black high heeled boots (this man is 6' 2"). We went to a local restaurant with relaxing atmosphere and calming music for those of us with jittery nerves. That would be me.

I couldn't remember even talking (I was told that I did talk- a lot) but I listened to every word this single Dad had to say. How long he lived in New Jersey- what happened to his football career- what drove him back to PA to work in real estate- and what he was hoping for that night on New Years Eve. A kiss- but the Chinese flying squirrel ended his step in and just kiss her idea.

That night after single Dad drove me to my apartment- I made two phone calls. One to my sister to find out if China Doll was going to spend the night at her place and the other to my Dr. Phil leader to let her know what just took place. I'm very fortunate that I still have hearing in my ear- Dr. Phil leader screamed in the phone "I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!"

Yeah...what did just happen?

************

Needless to say our kids were off the chart with excitement about this "date". China Doll took priority to spread the word....after all she was sitting at the kitchen table when I received the "date" phone call. Freckle Boy was already talking marriage. And the two kids together would sneak into the other room to write a song and then perform it for us. Romantic dinners were planned (by the kids)- dinners out with the kids (how romantic can you be at Outback Steak House). Freckle Boy purchased a $2 ring at his elementary school store for his father to give to me on Valentines Day. China Doll and Freckle Boy couldn't help themselves with their behaviors. I'll admit at times it could be rather annoying. But deep inside these two young souls were two very happy kids. Innocence at its finest.

Single Dad and I were in a good place with this new level of our "friendship".

He seems so content.....and ready to move on....no real trust issues with this man....no games...what you see is what you get.

For me I had the trust issues. Smack me- I know. Many of my friends wanted to shake some sense into me. One of my coworkers pulled my hair as she was firmly telling me to snap out of it!

Snap out of the I Can't Trust mode?

There was a ton to weigh out with this relationship. Where was it going? What happens if I move- do I ask him to move to NY with his son? Will Freckle Boy attend school in NY one week and the other week in PA...yeah, like that would even be possible. Do I ask this father to give up his custody and move with me- selfishly yeah I thought about that- but I cared for this little guy with freckles who needed his father. So no that was never thought of again.

And beyond all that mentioned- do I really want to get involved seriously with a man who has a child. I know funny right? My selfishness was worn on my sleeve. I couldn't think about single Dads feelings or Freckle Boys. Only my own. Even worse, China Doll makes it very clear to me she does not want to move- now.

*****

I received a phone call from NY. It's the middle of February. I'm already at the point where the teenage girl tells herself she loves this guy. He is the person I want to see when I get home from work- and the last person I want to see at the end of the day.

As much as I tried to spin the wheel and have the clicker land on TAKE THE JOB.... I kindly informed the caller- no thank you. I just turned down the job that I have waited almost one year for. My ticket out of PA. Our new beginning.

Who do I blame for this? Heidi? Yeah, that dam dog just sat on all my eggs.

Life Lesson: Be a big girl- no more blame games.

Peace&Love,

Lis

I just need to say...........

To my readers~ supporters~ and critics (giggling)

I just need to say Thank You!

After reading a few comments and now receiving e-mail on my postings I can not help but laugh to the point of...well...you know.

I'm flattered to find my "words" enjoyable for you to read- so far.

I am trying not to make my journey sound as if it is a poorly written script for a Life Time movie- I do hope it doesn't sound that bad!

So I'll apologize if it gets a little sappy or I sound like a hopeless romantic (because I really am).

Sharon, I would so deserve that slap....or the phone call from you! (now laughing loudly thinking about your e-mail)

And if any of you know Sharon personally- no cheating!

Everyone have a wonderful weekend....enjoy this fantastic sunshine!!!

Peace&Love,

Lis

Scrap Book

The single Dad
Freckle Boy
Sam

China Dolls future employers ?